Small Childhood Traumas Can Make Big Adult Struggles
When someone talks about a traumatic childhood, our minds very often go to the obvious options: sexual abuse, violence in the home, or neglect. These events are defined as threatening your safety or your life. They are devastating, life-changing events that can impact lives for years. However, not all childhood trauma needs to be as extreme to leave a lasting impact on your life.
If you have an irrational fear of something that you cannot explain…
If you live with anxiety daily…
If you are struggling with a particular aspect of your life and cannot explain why some things are more difficult for you than others around you, the key might be located in childhood micro-trauma.
The consequences of such childhood experiences may manifest later in life (Freud, 1958)
What Are Childhood Micro-Traumas?
Trauma is the emotional response to a distressing event where we perceive ourselves as being “unsafe.” In moments of trauma, our body activates its ‘fight-or-flight’ response, as our brain scans for potential threats. The hormone responsible for this heightened state is cortisol. Cortisol is a helpful hormone, but if our bodies don’t get the chance to calm down and relax after a stressful event, it can become harmful over time.
In my last blog, I talked about Adverse Childhood Experiences and how these events can change you both psychologically and physically.
Many adults can reflect on their lives and think, “I had a normal upbringing, nothing bad happened to me.”
So why am I like this?
These struggles can often be traced back to micro-traumas. These are small, seemingly insignificant experiences or emotional injuries that have occurred to you during your childhood, sometimes even before you could form full memories. They might pass by unnoticed by those who cause them. Over time, they accumulate to erode a child’s self-esteem and skew their view of the world around them.
They influence your everyday experiences, including your ability to regulate emotions and manage stress effectively.
Micro-Traumas and Their Impact on Adult Life
It can be difficult to link what happened to you as a child as being ‘traumatic’ and any difficulties you’re now facing as an adult. You can wonder why a task seems insurmountable to you when your peers can complete it so easily.
Examples of micro-traumas include:
- Being talked over/dismissed
- Being ignored
- Being criticised/toxic comments
- Getting told off
- Being left out of an activity/social circle
- Having your boundaries crossed
Micro-traumas can manifest in unexpected ways.
Were you forced to eat a food you disliked as a child? Often, adults insist children finish their meals out of concern that they’re not eating enough. However, being made to eat foods you dislike can lead to disordered eating later in life. Many of us were taught to ‘clear our plates’ which now means some adults will eat beyond satiation simply because they cannot leave food uneaten. This is a behaviour learned in childhood. Emotional eating—using food for comfort—or binge eating are examples of how micro-traumas can continue to affect us as adults.
Being locked in a room and unable to escape – can lead to fear of enclosed spaces/ feeling trapped.
Being laughed at for any number of things that lead to feeling embarrassed or ashamed – can lead to wanting to hide and not put yourself out there as you grow up for fear of being laughed at.
Having a piece of writing critiqued whether constructively or not can lead to feeling that you’re not good at writing or you’re stupid.
Getting told off for breaking a toy – even though it was an accident: you can believe you are ‘bad/naughty/clumsy’.
Making a hot chocolate and a family member tells you that you shouldn’t have that because it will make you fat. Fat = unlovable. You are left with the perception that chocolate is bad for you and that your body image is more important than your emotional health.
Frequently feeling overwhelmed or living with chronic stress, having difficulty managing your emotional response in certain situations, having low self-image, and relationship difficulties – these are all very real responses to micro-traumas.
People can also experience physical responses such as headaches, fatigue and muscular tension, particularly in response to stress or anxiety, which can indicate unresolved trauma.
Real Life Micro-Traumas – Client Case Studies
Client A had a childhood experience where she could not turn off the taps when running a bath. It overflowed and flooded through the flooring. This, in turn, left her with a fear of running water.
Client B was swept off a dinghy in the sea. She was surrounded by her family and was in no immediate danger. But it left her with a fear of open water.
Client C was told at 16 that she was dirty by her boyfriend for wanting to explore new things. The new thing was oral sex. For years, she was convinced that something was disgusting about her sexual curiosity between two consenting adults and she avoided the activity for fear of being rejected, believing that there was something wrong with her.
The Role of Perception
The real-life events above might not seem traumatic in the grand scheme of things. In the above examples, no one was hurt. It all relates to how scared or vulnerable they were feeling at that precise moment.
Micro-traumas create neural pathways in the brain that link the experiences to certain stimuli. It is this that shapes your behaviour when you interpret a similar experience as an adult.
These micro-traumas create emotional responses that leave you feeling bad about yourself, without fully understanding why.
Have a fear of spiders? Chances are you’ve seen an adult react adversely to seeing one when you were younger. Or one has scared you by crawling across your head. Or maybe you watched Arachnophobia as a child. Your brain has linked that image to a perceived danger. Now, you hoover up all arachnids – or avoid that room altogether.
Offhand comments about your appearance can trigger procrastination or self-doubt when you walk into a room. What will people think of me? Do I look alright in what I’m wearing?
Have you agreed to meet up with friends, only to talk yourself out of it as the event looms?
Perhaps I just won’t go as that will be easier. I’ll be safer staying where I am, at home, where I’m comfortable.
This is your brain doing what it is supposed to do: keep you safe.
Avoiding certain people or situations because they trigger uncomfortable emotions or make you feel vulnerable, may be a coping mechanism developed to manage the impact of a past micro-trauma.
Which is fine – except it can lead to a life of restriction. You are unwilling to try new experiences. You hold yourself back.
How to Deal With Micro-Traumas.
First of all, you are not alone. Those of us who work with emotional trauma recognise the lasting impact of micro-traumas experienced in childhood. Therapy is an effective way to uncover these hidden traumas and reframe how they shape your thoughts and emotions.
As a trauma-informed hypnotherapist and mindfulness coach, I use various techniques, such as hypnotherapy, mindfulness and meditation. While these approaches cannot erase memories, they can help create a disconnect between your automatic response to perceived threats and the way you’d prefer to react.
Together, we can begin to rewire the brain’s reactions to these triggers, helping you release negative associations and fostering a greater sense of security, confidence, and peace in your daily life. Incorporating healthy coping strategies is also key to managing ongoing stress. Through these techniques, you can gain more control over your emotions, understand why certain situations feel challenging, and ultimately lead a happier, more fulfilling life.
Help With Healing from Micro-Traumas.
If any of this blog sounds familiar, or you feel stuck over why you’re struggling, I can help. I have a range of options for you to heal from these hidden wounds and help you move forward with clarity and confidence.